Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train.
His arm is in a sling. His nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised, and he's walking with a limp. "What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender. "Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
"That little shit, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you. He must have had something in his hand." "That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible beating he gave me with it."
"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"
"That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight." .......................
My drunken neighbor Irishman is sitting in a bar, when his mobile phone rings. He answers: "How'dya know I was here?" ..............
A horse walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender comes over and says: "So why the long face"?...............
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. --Dean Martin.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. --Henny Youngman
